Defensive 1-on-1s

Help managers handle when direct reports get defensive during 1-on-1 meetings.

• Type: Video activity
• Topic: 1-on-1s and Conflict Management
• Audience: Experienced and New managers
• Group Size: 4 - 12
• Duration: 20 - 30 minutes

Intro & set up

“In order to help us learn about 1-on-1s, I’m going to play a short video about how an experienced manager handles situations when direct reports get defensive. After that, I’ll ask the group a few questions to see what we can learn from this experience.”

Open the video in a new window.

Discussion questions

• At what point — or for what reasons — would it be appropriate to use this approach in a 1-on-1 meeting?
• Do you agree with James’ suggested approach of being the first one to be vulnerable? Why or why not?
  • Do you think the example questions he uses reflect this approach well?
  • Are there any others that you would add?
• Have you ever used this approach with others, or has anyone used it with you?
  • What was your experience like?
  • What were the other factors that made it work well (or not)?
  • What would you do differently if you were in a similar situation again?
• How would you know whether the approach of being the first one to be vulnerable has worked (and when the direct report is ready to open up about themselves)?
• What other ways can you think of to set up the meeting as a safe space?

If you want help preparing to facilitate this activity, check out our article: How to facilitate a group discussion.

Links to learn more or reinforce the activity

• 1-on-1s: Key lessons
• How to run 1-on-1s
• Managing challenging employees: Key lessons